he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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