I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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