I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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