So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize