is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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