i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
