I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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