she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
