We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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