Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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