This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
