Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
