i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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