he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
