Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
