I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize