Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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