I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
