i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
