at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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