I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
