We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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