Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
