I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
