I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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