Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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