so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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