There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's get the cat blown out
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
