I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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