Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
