Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
