even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
