he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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