Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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