I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
