When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
