If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
wow bdsm is so cute
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
