so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
