That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
