What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
