Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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