why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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