Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
