I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
