Do you still have your period?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
