Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
