So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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