You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
