mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
