I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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