carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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