listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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