And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
