don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
