Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
