8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
