i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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