fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I love having hate sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
