why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize