You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
