Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
