You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
