Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I only lived at night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
